Pondering.

There are two sides to every coin. This American idiom is applied in a multitude of situations, decisions, and people. It basically is another way of saying take another look or change your perspective when approaching something. When applied to people it can mean the way others see you and how you view yourself. 

I'll use myself as an example, because, well... I'm writing this. Other people have described me as confident, a leader, smart and smart ass, goal/decision oriented, outgoing, loud, abrasive, and always happy. You, my readers, have been the ones who have given me these compliments. For that, I thank you. Kind words are always appreciated. 

Now for my side of the coin. I'll agree that I'm confident but it's because I usually operate in areas of comfort. It's easy to be confident when you're comfortable - luckily I have been able to make myself comfortable in a variety of situations. I don't mind leading, but would rather follow. I think I'm smart but there is so much I don't know. As for smart ass.... somethings are just natural. 😉 I'm outgoing, but again I like to follow.  I'm loud, but not as loud as when I was younger. When you get told you are loud as much as I was you would become quiet too. Abrasive is another way of saying I'm not empathetic. And that's true. (I'm working on it) Lastly, I'm always happy because nothing ever bothers me much. I don't let the little things get to me. 

Now, the real crux, decisions. When I make a decision I stick with it. Mom always said "you don't have to play/join this or that again, but you have to finish the commitment you already made." It's a good life rule. The problem for me is that either I don't dwell enough on a decision or I dwell way too long. Plus, I would rather someone else make the decision. 

The current situation that requires this topic is my long term decision of "to china, or not to china." I've been in the Middle Kingdom for just shy of two months and have about eight to go, and my decision to 're-up' for another year doesn't have to be made for another four or five months. Needless of this large amount of time, I've been thinking about it ever since I arrived. Today, as I was pondering it again I just wanted someone to tell me what to do! I realize this is completely irrational because I wouldn't like it after the fact. But the idea of not having to sweat over this is rather appealing. 

To make things clear, I've not made a decision either way. But I ponder a lot.