Know thyself

Know thyself.

Its a small phrase uttered by someone, and said multiple times over the course of history. Perhaps it was said to encourage, to enlighten, to caution, or in lieu of something more meaningful. Whatever the origin, the phrase is still in use.

For me, it has come into extreme focus recently. We had a group of people visiting the city of Shaoxing over the weekend for a holiday known here as Mid-Autumn. But for us Americans, Mid-Awesome... because it's awesome to be able to get together with our 'cousins' from nearby cities.

The topic of discussion during devoti0n, was about trials. The trials we face daily, what we can expect from this year, and how we expect to grow from them. In order to answer than last question, one must have a fairly good understanding of themselves to know how they will respond or react to trial. I expect trials...

...homesickness...

...team dynamics....

...language barrier...

...my ugly introvert...

and each of these trials and many more will affect me in various ways that I don't know exactly, but can foresee, at least a little bit.

But my point.

The crux of this current thought train.

Know Thyself.

China is a difficult place for a foreigner. Even in my second year, I know that this year will be hard. Maybe not as hard as last year, but it will have its own unique set of difficulties that I will have to navigate.

A concept brought up over the weekend really hit home for me. China is a refinery.

A refinery.

A refining process happens to a person here. Or any foreign country I would think. Think about metal. To refine metal extreme heat needs to be applied. In China, that can mean quite literally the 90 degree weather, but also the trials. The difficulties. That's the heat. But, also, when metal is heated the impurities rise to the surface to be scraped away. Similarly, in China, the worst parts of myself rise to the surface under the intense heat of life here. I know more about myself now that ever before, and I don't know if I would, had it not been for China.

I don't know if this is a melancholic post. I hope not. But as I reread the last few paragraphs, I can see where it might seem that way. In this moment, I am feeling completely content. I'm not overly happy. I'm not sad. I'm content. [the peanut brittle i'm eating could sway the balance to happy tho ;)]

I guess this is one of those times when I have these thoughts, and instead of pondering them, I write. I get them out. This is the kind of thing that makes me uncomfortable talking about in person. This is the kind of thing that I always want to talk to my mom about, but can never find the right moment. (Love you mom) This is the kind of thing that leads into other thoughts and suddenly its 4am.

I digress.

The refining process is ongoing. I will probably always be a bit lacking in self-confidence. I will always be blunt. And my inner introvert will always pick coffee and a book over a crowd. But I know now, that I can conquer the raging stream of life when I'm unsure of my footing if I pretend that I can see the next step under the current and no one will be the wiser. [maybe metaphors aren't my thing? haha]

( I may be losing focus, but my roommate just got home, so I was talking to her. )

Back on track.

Know thyself. Refining thru heat. China.

I know myself because China has been/will be refining me.

Hopefully this process allows me to fulfill my duties here. To be a role model to the girls who are new to the refinery, to be a good member of a team, to go out and make friends (dragging my stubborn introvert along), and...

...most importantly - To be me.

Until next time......

...From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked... Luke 12, verse 48